This week was the week of Joyceee
It was also the week of Majesty
I barbequed, I went to different natural springs, and I danced!
I was at a baby naming :)  and now we will always be reminded how much of a Blessing Jerusalem is!

We are approaching Shavuot where we receive the Torah anew. We get to relive that experience.  The three days beforehand are reserved for preparations - spiritually and physcially.  The supermarkets bring in an extra portable refridgerator stocked with cheeses and other dairy products.  Teachers and friends are preparing teachings to share, and people go to dip in the mikvah.
I remember two ideas that I read in the Eish Kodesh about Shavuot.  These ideas make G!D seem like he operates under the same rules that we humans do.  Perhaps.
The first is related to the fact that upon receiving the Torah we saw the sounds.  He explains that whenever a teacher teaches he is also learning as well.  We know (in our human way) that one is expected to preserve the distinction between the Oral Torah and the Written Torah by not to reciting words of the written Torah by heart.  In the description of the event of Sinai, even G!D was learning the Torah, so when G!D spoke the words of the Torah to us, G!D also 'read' the words to us.  We saw the written words!  We were able to see the sounds!  And so, if G!D was learning while he was teaching us the Torah, then we too are always learning even while we may be teaching.
And this is a blessing!
The second idea is related to revelation. Every time I truly speak I reveal part of my soul. Therefore - whenever one captures the words spoken - on paper or in a recording - only part of the experience has been captured. During the revelation at Har Sinai G!D truly spoke to us, and our souls were forever marked.  This is exactly what happens every year on Shavuot - we don't only remember what happened, rather we relive what happened, and our souls are also marked by the word of G!D. This can even happen every day to anyone who opens himself to an O[o]ther with true speach.


When you devote your entire being to God,
    even your words themselves become God's
                SO SPEAK!
                            - Fow Ti

The Fow Ti had an special practice.  Every morning he would go out to a near by lake, and sit down with his feet in the water.  In the winter the water would be cold, but still, he would stick his feet in the water.  He would sit this way for some time before getting up and walking back to begin the rest of his day.
He said that his feet were like fish, they needed to breathe in the water.
He said that when one allows his feet to immerse themselves in water every day such a person will grow up thirsty for knowledge.
He said that one who wears shoes all day and do not let one's feet breathe will never be thirsty, and will never drink.

I wonder sometimes.

When I stand to pray my feet are united into one foot - like the angels.  My feet are rooted in the ground, and even when I get lost in prayer my feet are always there to guide me back to where I am standing.  I find this spiritual practice to be very helpful.  It expands me.  I can, at a single moment be in more than one place.  My feet are on the ground as my head soars above - out of this world.  And into places unknown.  Or places known.

My feet are wet.

I am excited to return to a normal schedule of life.  I have made much progress over the last half year.
I left Rosh Hashana with a strong desire to change what I was doing - and so it happened: we moved, I quit my job, and started learning at Pardes.  Now I have just gone through the funnels of freedom and I come out happily ready to continue my life where it was.  I am truly free.
There is still much unknown, much to be decided for the future and so much more to grow, but I feel that I am on the right track.
Sometimes this can lead to a wonderful tumbling of ideas and prospects of what might happen if ... and then I just get overwhelmed
It's nice that I have a good place to come back to - so that I can go tumbling again.

Today is Hod of Hesed - Splendor of Kindness
How quickly we arrive at the last day of Pesach!
Yet here we are - ready for the sea to split and we'll walk right through.  and how lucky we are that every year at just this time the sea splits for us, wherever we are.  We can find the secret escape route, we find the solution to a problem that has been disturbing us for a while.  We find the way out of our feelings of scarcity and hardship and realize that right here and right now we can feel plentiful and calm.  The very particles of air split apart , allowing us a safe passage between them as we walk through.
When the sea splits it will be because of th Foundation of Kindness.  Now all that is left is for us to keep on walking.  For 49 days.  And then keep on walking again.
If we can internalize this day then we can recall it whenever we like.

Hag Sameach

Our Passover Seder was a night of Freedom and Singing.  It reinforced my awareness of the constant presence of The Holy Blessed One.
The next day we went up north, along with so many other people looking for a nice few days of vacation.  And we found just that at a little desert spring Ein Succot - where we took our first dip.  It was really nice to jump in the cool water and dry off in the sun eating matza brai and coffee.  This was Eden's first time at any body of water bigger than our bathtub.  She was a little shocked and scared, but after a few minutes of sitting in the mud on the edge of the water she was having a great time; still not ready to get in, but then again she's only 1.
Just like in the song from Beauty and the Beast "We don't like what we don't understand, infact it scares us"

At a beach on the Sea of Galilee a group of high schooler's brought a huge speaker and started blasting music.  We left immediately.

It was too much for me - too much traffic, too much pushing, too crowded.

I look for calm surroundings.  At work, at home, on the road, as well as with friends - internally as well.

I want this to be my Freedom.

"You are always free unless you are captured" - Fow Ti

Last night I cooked two artichokes.  The second one was still on the table when my brother in law came over, so he tried a leaf - having never eaten an artichoke before.
And naturally the question arose - how did we ever find out that the insides of an artichoke are edible?
Just another incident in life that makes us stop
suddenly
and reflect on the long chain of humanity and what we have accomplished and destoyed.  Traditions thousands of years old that are as fresh in our minds as if they happened today.  And the fact that I cannot remember what happened yesterday in the morning.
How lucky for us that we don't remember everything that happened,  what clutter there would be.
and how blessed we are that we do remember and relive our Existential Beginning every day and every year on Pesach
and that we know how to eat an artichoke!

I just spent an hour with Eden in the park.  She was the youngest person playing there, but she was having as good a time as any.  there were a few children who were digging a canal from the base of a water fountain towards the grass next to it.  they were even happier than they were muddy.  None of this interested Eden as much as the little sticks and leaves that she could put in her mouth.
As the Fow Ti says:
"Interest is only a function of perception"

And so it is.  I find this true in terms of Pesach cleaning as well.
Also - I really love Pesach cleaning - its a time where I get to check in with every object I own.

When I was finishing the dishes before Shabbat, and there were 10 minutes until candel lighting, and I still hadn't taken a shower I was feeling the Pre-Shabbos stress.  And I realized that I would work just as fast, if not faster, if I wasn't focusing energy on rushing.  It helped a little, but I was still stressed.  I have calmed down since then.  We had a very nice shabbat.  And now I will try to remember that this week too as I clean up for Pesach.
There is external cleaning, and internal cleaning - getting rid of the physical bread as well as the over-inflated characteristics and habits I have picked up over the years.
I still haven't found a nice bottle of Extra Concentrated Wipe N' Clean for the soul...

Shabbat HaGadol!   The Great Shabbat
although every shabbat of the year is special and holy, only this shabbat is called The Great Shabbat!
why?
Every Shabbat holds in it the energies for the upcoming week, and This is the Shabbat before the Pesach Seder!
Inspired by the Netivot Shalom,  I write:
So this Shabbat holds in it the energies of Yetziat Mitzrayim (the exodus from Egypt) - which is our most foundational energy source that we call upon every single day to help us remember that G!D always saves us and we can always sing about it.  We draw upon the Eternal fact that G!D loves us.
Every Shabbat is balanced between love and awesome fear, except the shabbat before Yom Kippur - where the balance leans towards awesome fear - and this Great Shabbat where the balance is shifted towards Love.
This Shabbat also holds the energies of diving revelation when G!D came down and smote the first born of Egypt  - not an angel, not a messenger, not a servant, but G!D.

It is Great because it is filled with so much energy.

The Fow Ti once said: "Greatness does not come or go,  it IS"

This morning when I looked out the window I saw a monestary in South Jerusalem, where it quite possible that the Fow Ti spent some time,  That is if he ever actually was in the land of Israel.

Eden wasn't feeling so well at night, so i was up at 5:30 in the morning, but I had a nice time.  a quiet peaceful morning with oatmeal and chocolate muffins.  And so, I've been thinking about freedom, " 'Tis the season" and all.  I am free to wake up at 5:30 every morning.  We could do whatever we want, even hit mailboxes!  and what do I choose to do?
To pray
to wash dishes
to change diapers
to learn Torah

I think the Fow Ti would be proud.

well, 

i guess this is the place where I pour out my soul, or at least talk about my day.

today was Eden's first birthday  - but she didnt know it.   It wasn't a suprise party or anything like that, she just didnt know. 

but thats ok.

She will be my intention when I get up to the child who doesn't even know how to ask.

I've been thinking about the future, and its all pretty hazy.  I mean its unclear - like i dont know whats going to happen.  and the more and more that i feel this way, the more certain I am that i am no the one in control, I'm just going along for the ride.  And its nice that way, sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window from our porch overlooking Gilo and Malcha and the mountains south of Jerusalem.  

and I know that if i really need to, I can ask to pull over for a pit stop and to stretch my legs.