Shabbat HaGadol!   The Great Shabbat
although every shabbat of the year is special and holy, only this shabbat is called The Great Shabbat!
why?
Every Shabbat holds in it the energies for the upcoming week, and This is the Shabbat before the Pesach Seder!
Inspired by the Netivot Shalom,  I write:
So this Shabbat holds in it the energies of Yetziat Mitzrayim (the exodus from Egypt) - which is our most foundational energy source that we call upon every single day to help us remember that G!D always saves us and we can always sing about it.  We draw upon the Eternal fact that G!D loves us.
Every Shabbat is balanced between love and awesome fear, except the shabbat before Yom Kippur - where the balance leans towards awesome fear - and this Great Shabbat where the balance is shifted towards Love.
This Shabbat also holds the energies of diving revelation when G!D came down and smote the first born of Egypt  - not an angel, not a messenger, not a servant, but G!D.

It is Great because it is filled with so much energy.

The Fow Ti once said: "Greatness does not come or go,  it IS"

This morning when I looked out the window I saw a monestary in South Jerusalem, where it quite possible that the Fow Ti spent some time,  That is if he ever actually was in the land of Israel.

Eden wasn't feeling so well at night, so i was up at 5:30 in the morning, but I had a nice time.  a quiet peaceful morning with oatmeal and chocolate muffins.  And so, I've been thinking about freedom, " 'Tis the season" and all.  I am free to wake up at 5:30 every morning.  We could do whatever we want, even hit mailboxes!  and what do I choose to do?
To pray
to wash dishes
to change diapers
to learn Torah

I think the Fow Ti would be proud.

well, 

i guess this is the place where I pour out my soul, or at least talk about my day.

today was Eden's first birthday  - but she didnt know it.   It wasn't a suprise party or anything like that, she just didnt know. 

but thats ok.

She will be my intention when I get up to the child who doesn't even know how to ask.

I've been thinking about the future, and its all pretty hazy.  I mean its unclear - like i dont know whats going to happen.  and the more and more that i feel this way, the more certain I am that i am no the one in control, I'm just going along for the ride.  And its nice that way, sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window from our porch overlooking Gilo and Malcha and the mountains south of Jerusalem.  

and I know that if i really need to, I can ask to pull over for a pit stop and to stretch my legs.